One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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