just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
