you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
