just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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