I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
