Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
