so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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