Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
