It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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