you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
