She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am one with the molecules
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
