Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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