y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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