JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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