so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize