Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
