He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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