he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
