Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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