what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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