I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
