I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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