Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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