Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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