8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
