i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
