Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
