So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
