Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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