the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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