Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
