I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
