i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
