I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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