She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
