I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
