Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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