We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
