Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
