I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
