Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
