I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
