I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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