I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
