I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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