I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
