my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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