Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
