well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
