it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
