Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
