I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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