I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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