things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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