My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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