I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
