I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so let's talk penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
