Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
