Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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