a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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