I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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