I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
