then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
