you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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