Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
