My brain says no but my pants say off.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
