So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
