I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
