the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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