Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
