I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
