Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
