If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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