Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
