so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
